Some people get giddy when they begin travel…I get nauseous. Besides the long security lines, sitting in one seat for 14 hours plus the additional hours that must be endured for connecting flights, it’s those who are giddy ones that make me wonder why oh why I don’t get a job that requires nothing of me but a 10 minute drive to work, in the privacy of my own domain… my chariot, my own first class cabin.
On this last from Delhi to Newark, here are some of things that made me grab from the anti-acid tablets.
- "Do you have a pen I could borrow” the twenty-something Brit asked me as I filling out my immigration form? “Yes,” I replied, “but I’m using it right now.” How is that a person can afford to fly around the world but somehow doesn’t carry a 25 cent pen? To those who are flying internationally, you will have to fill out some forms so, for your sake and for the sake of those who are less charitable than me, invest in a Bic.
- “Now boarding people with small children and those who may need additional asstitance in boarding the plane.” That’s when there is a train of little old women all lined up in their wheel chairs. Poor things, too feeble to walk, UNTIL it’s time to disembark. It’s a miracle! Suddenly they jump up and squirm their way to the front. I think there should be roped off section for those who are too weak to walk. Give them their respect, but make sure they are as feeble getting off the plane as they are getting on.
- So we are getting off the plane and the guy in front of me stops on the jet-way to put his book in his bag. There’s not enough room to go around him, so I, and the herd behind me, must wait for him to do organize his suitcase. The definition of bad manners is stopping in front of people who can’t get around you. Some suggestions: (a) put the book in the bag before you get out of the plane, (b) wait until you are in the main hall, get OFF TO THE SIDE and then pack your bag.
- It’s true, you are hundreds of miles away from your friend, but yelling into the cell phone will not make them hear you any better. The technology is such that you can talk in a low voice and they should hear you. If they can’t it’s because you have a poor reception, yelling will not give you more bars! Get off the plane, away from the other 200 people who don’t give a fig about what an awesome time you had on your vacation; GET OFF TO THE SIDE, along with the guy who’s packing his bags, and yell all you want.
- Speaking of yelling, why is it that travelers in groups feel compelled to yell across the plane to their friends? This is not a frat party, it’s public transportation where each passenger is entitled to their own form or entertainment and privacy. You may the coolest dude on campus but on the plane you are just an annoying not-yet-an-adult who will never make much money on Comedy Central.
- God deliver me from the person sitting next to me who feels obligated to tell me their life story; their kids, their jobs, their recent surgery and all they saw in the 10 days they were in India. I lived there so I don’t need to be reminded of how good the food is, the poverty or about the cool elephant ride they had in Jaipur. After 14 hours I know more about these people than my own family members and what’s really amazing…they never even ask me MY name!
- Why is that everyone wants to be a comedian? What’s worse are Americans who joke with foreigners. The little Indian man smiles back and in his head he says, “I don’t understand what this white person is saying. He’s smiling, so I must smile back.” “Hey pal,” the happy Texan asks “What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday? …. May you have many happy returns…get it!” Just for the record cowboy, they’re not smiling because they think you're funny but because they think you're weird.
- I know that being an airline stewardess is a tough job, but there is no excuse for grumpy airline personnel. Listen lady, I’m not the one who keeps ringing the call button. I am not responsible for the mess in the toilet. It wasn’t me who has the crying baby and I refuse to confess to farting in my seat. If you want to be the terrible witch (notice the “w” instead of the “b”) on flight CO 83, that’s your problem. For those who just want to get home, try to focus your bad attitude to those who made your day miserable and smile at the rest of us who have tried to make your job worth your check.
This is just a partial list of traveling annoyances. Do you have any to share?
